My Inside Wild

Untamed by Glennon Doyle is changing my life. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a writer. Words flow out whenever I need to process what is all mixed up inside. Even so, I’ve hesitated to do this thing called writing in its full expression. I dabble. I sit here and write what is coming through that I think others might benefit from, but I hold a lot back because I don’t want to be wrong.

But, in the words of Glennon, “I am a goddamn cheetah.” She opens her book with the story of how these well-meaning zoo handlers tamed a cheetah by raising her with a Labrador for a best friend. The cheetah is taught to chase a little pink bunny and be rewarded with a tasty meal at the finish line. But her real nature is her wild nature. No matter how much the zookeepers try to train it out of her, in her moments of alone, her wild emerges.

My wild is inside. It’s loud and big and deep. It screams at me when I don’t listen. It leads me into failure if I try to ignore it. It transforms me. I cannot ignore my wild, but because I don’t let it out often, my people don’t really know. They only see it from the outside. And because I don’t let it out, I am not my full expression in this life.

So, today I take the first step.

Hello, my name is Gita and I am wild. My people are the wild women and men in this world who just want to be free of cages too. My cages are self-imposed, socially imposed, and spiritually imposed. My cages are all the ideas about what I should be, rather than the truth of who I am. Only I can unlock the cages. Only fear keeps me from opening the doors.

I’m one of the incredibly lucky humans who has a thousand friends who love me and will love me even in my wild nature. My friends are wild women and yogis mostly – it’s a pretty outstanding circle. And yet, the power of fear is not to be underestimated. Fear of rejection, fear of hurt, fear of failure.

Again from Glennon, all I can do is “the next right step.” My inner voice doesn’t give me a road map, it only calls to the next right step. The Capricorn rising in me wants to follow a map with dogged determination. The Virgo in my career house wants to study one at an accredited university. But my wild Scorpio Moon says “f*#k that, just do it now.” Even cursing is a cage. My people don’t do that. I control it because of the light vibrations around me, but it’s in there, just under the surface.

Under the surface is where my power lies. I cannot be afraid to be wrong anymore. I have to lift the lid, let the beast out, and let myself burn through the big wild fire inside so that I emerge a phoenix again and again.

I am terrified to push publish. This must be something big for me. Welcome to my wild.

Published by Gita Matlock

Gita is a writer, speaker, and nonprofit professional. She earned a bachelors degree in international studies from Pepperdine University and a masters degree in nonprofit administration from the University of San Francisco. She has traveled extensively and held leadership positions with national and international nonprofit organizations. She was born, raised, and now resides with her husband and two children at Ananda Village, the first of eight cooperative Kriya Yoga communities founded by Swami Kriyananda, a direct disciple of Paramhansa Yogananda.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: